I look forward to spending the rest of my life with you.  Today starts the first day of the rest of our lives.  I thank god for this and the many days to come.

I love you with every breath and every beat…

Your Fawks >.<

“I’d walk a million miles for one of your smiles, and even farther for that thing you do with your tongue…”

Saw it and thought of you.

If it weren’t for you I never would have even considered reading this book. I still claim that I hate Sci-Fi!

You’ve opened me up to so many new things, new experiences, new feelings. You have shared something with me that I will always treasure – a part of yourself that I understand and relate to.

Sure, it’s just a book… Just a story about a boy… But in reading it I picture you as a boy, reading it as well. I wonder what you thought when things happened in the book, if you were effected the same way I was.

I like picturing you as a child, innocent and sweet. I bet you were such a good-natured little boy. I can’t wait till we have a boy. I hope he will be just like you… with less of a desire to play alchemist with bottles of shampoo in the bathroom!

I hope that if we have a girl she is a little like me. I was a very good child. Sweet, if somewhat temperamental, a total bookworm even before school started. I was mischievous but never unkind. However, when she turns 12-13 I hope she turns more like you! You were such a better teenager than I was!

I also hope our children are like my brother in some way, filled with the joy of life and appreciative of the simple things. I hope they are easy to laugh, like he is, and as gentle.

I hope they have a good heart, like my sister, who I have never once doubted loves her family. I hope they are as loyal as she is. She was always the first to stand up for her family.

I hope they will get your mother’s classic beauty and intelligence. I hope they inherit her kindness and ability to care for others no matter who they are.

I hope they will inherit my mother’s strength and willpower, always able to carry on and do what needs to be done no matter what the circumstances.

I hope they will be like Jordan, playful and funny. His honesty and genuine concern has always shown even when he was being a brat.

Most of all, I hope they will see the love we have for each other – the love that has carried us this far, through so many struggles and heartaches, through so many lonely nights. I hope they will understand that love can conquer all. I hope they will see that making love work, while being a full time job, is the most rewarding thing two people could do… and it’s from that love, I hope they’ll see, that they were born. I hope they’ll always know how much they were wanted, how often we had dreamed of them.

I know you are there, dreaming your dreams
Calming and serenely on the other end of the line
A cell phone could never be worth more to me at the time
A love so rich and pure captured perfectly by the sounds
Of such peaceful sleep

I listen to you shuffle
breathing at the phone
Quietly moaning in your sleep, I wonder
What dreams you are dreaming
I love to watch you sleep

It gives me peace of mind
knowing you are being taken care of
knowing that the woman of my dreams
is perfectly peaceful

You are the absolute best
Most wonderful
Perfectest beautimest
woman ever
and I can’t wait to spend the rest of eternity caught in an endlessly hopelessly romantic cycle of falling in love with you over and over again spanning the rest of our lives and lives to come.

You are my everything and I can’t wait to spend my everything with you.

Nights of missed connections.

Every hour spent refusing to say the things weighing heaviest on our souls is time wasted in a life that is already too short.  I never want to regret the things left unsaid.  The dilemma: you can never fully take back the things you have said.

So where is the happy medium? The line between saying just enough and too much…

I ache to fully connect with you, like last night.  I crave your openness. I worry over the walls you build to keep me out, to keep you safe.  Those walls don’t protect you, they keep you from being with me.

I know this has been hard on both of us… I know I have been a little insensitive to your feelings with regards to the mistakes you have made, the mistakes I have aided in. I still have a hard time understanding how you’re not over it – I think, perhaps, it’s not ‘getting over it’ but forgiving yourself that is the problem.

This refuses to be buried, all we can do is stare it in the eyes until it decomposes. There is no hiding, no forgetting, only dealing with it.

Staging wakes, laying with the dead till dawn breaks.

Your ability to fully disclose your true feelings last night surprised me.  I honestly thought you’d continue lying to yourself (and me) for a long time, trying to put as much honor into your actions – trying to legitimize.

Hearing you say that you cheated, instead of coding it – hiding it, candying it, was a huge breakthrough. Admitting your selfishness, your true motives, was so good to hear.

Thank you for finally being honest with me… Now, let me be honest with you.

There was no danger of me leaving you – I have no defense against you.  I can’t see myself without you.  I would forgive you anything because I know you have a kind soul, because you show me love and tenderness that I have never experienced. I am shameless when it comes to you.  I have no dignity.

That being said, please don’t take advantage of me.  I’m sensitive and vulnerable. I need you to protect me… Especially from you.

The things you say, your ‘simple truths’, making love to me from a thousand miles away. I want you so deeply that my body sings with pain and pleasure, yearning for the time we will be together again.

A love that “passionately transcends the mundane instead of being a device for self-deception.”

With you, nothing is ordinary. You fill my life with happiness, you make me feel young and crazy, you make my heart race – my body tremble. You make me whole.

Know that what you suffer from this pales in comparision to how I have suffered. I hope you are wounded by the slings and arrows of fate, stricken as I have been. There is a great balance to life – karma. Know that everything you have done or will do will be returned to you three fold.  Full circle.

I hope that one day you will truly know love, as I do.  I hope you find the one person that completes you, as I have. I hope that when your heart is torn out and stepped on, you think of me.  I will be thinking of you… and smiling.

Contrary, I find no humor in your future distress; only mild satisfaction. A job well done to karma, and praise to reaping what you sow.

My soul is tarnished with the hate of you, impure and debilitating. You have broken me, but I will mend.

From this moment on I refuse to feel this hate for you, only because it hurts me. I will never forgive you the gross injustice you have done me, nor will I ever forget it. You have left your filthy fingerprints on me and have changed me. This is something I will not accept. Instead, I choose to let it go – release it and let karma do it’s job.

I leave your fate in the hands of time and know that I will be avenged by the inescapable path of the ever-turning wheel.

-S.

If I fall along the way
Pick me up and dust me off
And if I get too tired to make it
Be my breath so I can walk

If I need some other love
Give me more than I can stand
And when my smile gets old and faded
Wait around I’ll smile again

Shouldn’t be so complicated
Just hold me and then
Just hold me again

Can you help me I’m bent
I’m so scared that I’ll never
Get put back together

You’re breaking me in
And this is how we will end
With you and me bent

If I couldn’t sleep could you sleep
Could you paint me better off
Could you sympathize with my needs
I know you think I need a lot

I started out clean but I’m jaded
Just phoning it in
Just breaking the skin

Can you help me I’m bent
I’m so scared that I’ll never
Get put back together

You’re breaking me in
And this is how we will end
With you and me bent

Start bending me
It’s never enough
I feel all your pieces

Start bending me
Keep bending me until I’m completely broken in

Shouldn’t be so complicated
Just touch me and then
Just touch me again

Can you help me I’m bent
I’m so scared that I’ll never
Get put back together

You’re breaking me in
And this is how we will end
With you and me bent

Can you help me I’m bent
I’m so scared that I’ll never
Get put back together

You’re breaking me in
And this is how we will end
With you and me bent